Computer Engineers vs Artists

There is people that say that Computer Science is more of an "art" than an actual "science". I really never gave it any thought until recently when I was reading a post about start-up e-companies that taught bosses how to make the most of the computer freak's weird work patterns and inspiration. Also, a few weeks ago I was "on holidays" in Uruguay and I somehow (beer helps) ended up in the table of the local artists and they were telling stories about their "profession" to a swarm of girls and make me realize that actually that statement about computer science could have some truth behind ... except that the "artists", amazingly, managed to pull a lot more girls ... Let's look at the facts:

Similarities:

• Both composing music and writing computer programs are creative processes so there are times when we are "inspired" and we produce a lot (or something new and amazing) ... and times when we are not "inspired" and we produce shit. I have to say though, that "artists" have the advantage that they don't tend to have a boss nagging them when not inspired.
  


• Some of our best ideas come after/during a night of heavy partying and other people find them crazy ... but then the Internet proves we were right! ... or not ...
  


• We both get paid shit unless we are very, very famous on our own right or we sell our soul to the devil and work for some of the big companies like Microsoft or Simon Cowell.
  


• Dress code is pretty similar and with a bit of an effort I think computer engineers could manage to shower as little as the artists.
  


• Given we earn enough money even the weirdest looking of both of the groups can find a nice looking girlfriend and a group of fans/stalkers on the Internet.
  


• Do you think that artists sometimes make extravagant requests when setting things up to perform on a concert? Don't ever try to make a computer engineer stick to an email software he doesn't fancy (like Lotus Notes!). And always let us change the wallpaper to anything we want because we will do anything it takes to have Princess Leia on the background, no matter how many times we have to edit the "registry" or how many times we have to hack into the network administration properties!
  


• We both have Barbies to our professions! (and the computer engineering one, as seen on the picture, even comes with a "binary pattern" T-shirt ...)
  

Things we, Computer Engineers, should work on:

• When travelling (going to a Comic-Con or so), if we end up running out of money and we have to go back home hitch-hiking, without showering for a week and only with a pack of mouldy chocolate biscuits to eat, we should learn from the "artists" and put a different spin to the story so girls instead of saying "You are a dumb freaking idiot" say "How cool! I wish I was there with you!" instead.
  

What have I been doing this past months

The answer is short and simple: paperwork! :-(

Changing my Brazilian visa and having everything sorted out hasn't been easy at all ... and it hasn't been a 100% success unfortunately. When going through a paperwork process that involves different countries and different organization bodies you can find some (or all, if you are as lucky as me!) of the following problems:

• First of all lack of clarity on how things work. You talk to someone on the phone (if you are lucky enough to get hold of someone) and tells you one thing, the very next day you go in person and you get a completely different answer ... ok, fair enough: the process changes at random depending on the person and the day ... why not? It makes perfect sense.
  
  Another variation on the lack of clarity is when you call and they don't tell you everything you need to know unless you ask specifically. For example: "To get this paper you need to go in person to the ministry of whatever." Full stop. You start planning the trip and seeing it is really expensive and almost impossible to sort out you call again and ask: "But, cannot I do this by post, even if it takes longer? Is there any other method?" "Of course, you can post it or go to any of the regional delegations" ... Why on hearth didn't you say so on the first place then?!?
  
  Or even better when you go in person, ask what sort of paper you need to proof whatever needs proving. You get an answer. You get the paper. You go back again, speak to the very same person and he tells you that unfortunately that paper is not valid. WTF?!?!?


• Second problem you can get is plain incompetence. Imagine that there is one single person in charge of doing one of the steps. If that is your only job you should know everything from the inside out of how things work. Specially if there is a well known loophole everybody is taking advantage off. And even more when they have changed the legislation on the previous two months to close it! ... well you must be guessing already that the person didn't have a clue the loophole was closed giving advice that was completely wrong ... and a bit illegal at that time ...


• Third problem, and worst of all, is having one of the civil servants blatantly lying. Specially when that person works for the Policia Federal "helping" the foreigners sorting out their visa paperwork. I am not a psychologist but I guess that this white bearded person must have had some sort of trauma on his long gone youth and now enjoys abusing of his powers on helpless foreigners. The most despicable thing is that he does not act on the open, that would take way too much courage, but hidden behind a riddle of lies, making some of the important papers go missing mysteriously and secretly stamping your passport without telling you.
  
  And what did he gain with all that?!? Nothing! Did me and the others loose anything? No, just some time and we had to activate the "plan B".
  
  So, as a person he is an asshole ... and as a master criminal he sucks! :-D

And these are only some of the joys of living abroad ... keep tuned!

Party lag

They say that when you travel by plane you can be affected by a sleeping disorder called "jet lag". Basically it takes some time for your body to adapt to the new time zone. The average is about 1 day if you travel eastwards and about 1.5 days if you do so westwards.

I think I have a bit of a problem ... I did travel eastwards 10 days ago and I still haven't managed to fall asleep before 5am a single day!
Should I see a doctor? Maybe ... maybe not ...
When he asks if I spend hours no end in bed waiting to fall asleep ... I'll have to say: Noooooooooo! I spend hours no end in bars and restaurants with different friends each night! BASTARDS! This is the real problem of living abroad and coming back home: there is always a friend that hasn't seen you with energy to go out ... or one that has seen you already ... So, if you are nice like me :-P, you can easily spend 10 days in a row "having to" go out ... Then when you can finally escape and go back to wherever you live looking like a zombie people will ask you: "Is it the jet lag?" ... "Jet lag, jet lag, ... Noooooooooo: PARTY LAG!" :-D

Paella with onion rings

As I had some good feedback about my previous post about how to do some fried eggs I am going to write about cooking again ... this time though not about what to do but about "cultural differences" and some aberrations I have suffered myself with the paellas.

In case you didn't know/imagine each country has its own cooking traditions and taste. So, when opening a "foreign" restaurant you usually need to adapt a bit the recipes. This can either be because some of the ingredients are impossible to find, because in the new country they don't like a particular condiment, because some of the ingredients taste quite different, …
So you find yourself a few odd things like Indian curry in the UK being a lot milder than the original … rabbits in the UK are better known as pets but in Spain they are a food source ... Italian lasagna being hot as hell in India … Mexican people having to add the entire contents of a chilly oil bottle to their enchiladas … the list is endless!

So, I should know better and when I see a Spanish restaurant run away as if it was cursed. But is not that easy!
First error: You have this kind of nostalgia … or you are with friends that hate you … or friends that think you are going to be extremely happy by eating something that completely falls short of your expectations … anyway, one way or another you always end up going in!
Second error: Ordering your favorite dish!

In my case one of my favorite dishes is the "paella". In theory it is quite simple because it is no more than rice with things. It can be either meat or fish or a mix of the two. So there are a lot of different recipes and ways of cooking but the end result should fall within some pretty standard taste range. Now, I think it is in the human nature not to read the instructions before doing something … and I admit I have done that quite a few times … but if you are a professional cook you should at least take a quick look at the recipes and not just at the picture that goes with it! Because, judging by the range of strange things that is what they tend to do.
In case any cook follows this blog I'll add a quick list of what not to put on a paella:

• Yes, I know that on the picture you had some lemon wedges … they were just an ornament! Don't cook them with the rice!


• And yes, I know that is called "paella Valencia" and that oranges are typical from there … and that if you cook the rice with lemon wedges, why not oranges? Well, don't!


• Olives?!? Cooked?!? Where did you see that?


• Chorizo … with a fish paella … Mt Cook: you should go to the doctor to check those taste buds.


• Onion rings?!? Are you sure that they weren't fried squid rings?!? And still, that is definitely not part of any traditional (or any modern) recipe.


• But most important of all: the yellow color of the paella rice comes from saffron, not from freaking curry species! Mr Canteen's Cook: you don't know how close to death you were that day!

Quote

We travel because, no matter how comfortable we are at home, there's a part of us that wants - that needs - to see new vistas, take new tours, obtain new traveller's checks, buy new souvenirs, order new entrées, introduce new bacteria into our intestinal tracts, learn new words for "transfusion," and have all the other travel adventures that make us want to French-kiss our doormats when we finally get home.
Dave Barry

Brazilian phone etiquette

It is a fact that each country has its own particular way of answering the phone and you are meant to take it just like yet another cultural difference ... but the Brazilian way is ... well, it can be a bit annoying!

Now imagine the following real situation:
You are happily slept doing your siesta, one of the most sacred moments of the day for a Spanish person, and all of a sudden there is an annoying ringing noise that wakes you up! :-(

[me thinking]

Ok, what the hell is that freakin' noise?!? Ah, the freakin' phone! ... Who is it going to be? ... Oh! ... having in mind that in Europe is evening probably one of my friends! :-)

Half slept I struggle to quickly get the phone without killing myself in the process.

[me]

- Alô (note the perfect Brazilian accent!)

[unknown brazilian person]

- Who am I talking to?

[me thinking]

What the f**k?!? ... You are the one calling: tell me if I am wrong but the person making the phone call should know who they are calling to? ... no?

[unknown brazilian person]

- Who am I talking to?

[me thinking]

Why do you want to know my name? Were you feeling bored and you said: I feel like talking to someone called John today. Let's call all numbers at random asking for the person's name until I find one!

[unknown brazilian person]

- Who am I talking to?

[me thinking]

For God's sake, at least tell me who you are and who you are looking for!!!!

[unknown brazilian person]

- Who am I talking to?

[me thinking]

I cannot take it any more!

[me]

- I am Ivan, Ivan Reyné.

[unknown brazilian person]

- Oh, what a shame, sorry. CLINGS

[me thinking]

Have you hang up on me already?!? ...

[phone]

tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

[me thinking]

... Yes, you have! ... BASTARD! And without telling who you were looking for or even your name!
Wasn't my name good enough for a bit of a chat? Wasn't my voice nice enough for a bit of a conversation?
... I need to know your freakin' name for the traditional Spanish curse ritual for waking me up of the siesta for nothing!! Aaaaaaaaargh!!

Toilets!

Most of the time the main problems of living abroad are not the big things like paperwork, visas, renting a flat, liking the food, … but the small little details of your day to day life.
Little things like for example walking on the wrong side of the pavement (people tend to walk the same way they drive). It seems that Jenny has problems opening doors (I admit I do too!). Or getting terribly confused when you meet new people: is it handshake? one kiss? two kisses? … three kisses? … two kisses, a hug and we exchange presents? … HELP!! These are the little things that make you look like an idiot and completely out of place.

My worst nightmare though are the toilets! And I am not talking that they might be dirty or have weird hoses attached for who knows what purposes! I am talking going to a bar or restaurant and being presented with two doors and being like … "oooooook … which is the right one?"

Thanks God for standardisation nowadays in most places you have some variation of the man-woman outlined figure. Good and simple even if you are in a hurry after a few beers you can easily guess properly in no time.
Sometimes there is a bit of a variation, specially if the bar/restaurant has some weird decoration and they decide to alter the standard sign for a man-woman that go with it. In this sense I have seen more detailed drawing with vintage clothes, astronauts, completely naked and quite explicit, … a picture of a chimpanzee and a chimpanzee with a pink dress, … It can take you a bit of extra time but in a second you are able to choose the right door.

Then you have the places where there is no way to guess. For example, in a bar I used to go they had the image of a little angel and another of a virgin … so, everybody was peeing outside! :-D Jokes aside a lot of people had to ask the waiters which was which and if you are in a hurry that is not good!

But the real problems, for me, are the ones where you just have a single freaking letter! Specially if they went for some designer font: "is this an M or a W?" In that case my advice is to wait until you see someone that looks like a local going to the toilet and following him/her! If you cannot wait here I'll list some of the combinations I have seen in my life in case it can be of any help:

• M (men) / W (women)


• M (male) / F (female)


• B (boys) / G (girls)


• B (blokes) / L (ladies)



• H (hombres) / M (mujeres)


• C (caballeros) / S (señoras)



• H (homes) / D (dones)



• C (cavalheiros) / D (damas)


• H (homens) / M (mulheres)

So, men: if you are in a Spanish or Portuguese speaking county don't go for the "M" door or you'll be in trouble!! :-D

UK vs Brazil: Dogs

One of the things I have noticed after living in the UK for some years and Brazil for a few months is that there is a clear difference in the breed of dogs people tend to own. In the UK there is an abundance of "lean, mean, killing machine" type of dogs whilst in contrast here in Brazil they tend to go for the "small, fun, cute" type.


They say that dogs tell a lot about their owners ... and I believe it is true!

Things you don't learn by just going a week on holidays

Did you know that the Brazilian bus drivers wait for you if they see you running to catch their buses? And, believe it or not, these 10 extra seconds don't add any delay to the overall bus timetable. The only thing they add is a big smile in people's faces and contribute to a better mood when going to work.

So, could you, freaking London bus drivers, take good note of that! Thank you ...

Brazilian disguise

Anybody going to live in a different country has the problem of looking a bit out of place.
At the beginning it is because you are marvelled for everything you see: "Oh, a weird bird ... oh, a strange tree ... oh, a dodgy vagrant, ..."
You look lost even with a map: "Excuse me, could you tell me where is the north?"
And you get into the wrong toilets: "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"

But once you have a bit of practise and you don't do all these sort of things how come the locals can still tell you are a foreigner with a quick glimpse?
(In some countries you cannot do much about it because it depends on your racial background, but not here in Brazil, specially in the south, as they have people descending from absolutely everywhere in the world)

So what is the trick?
Let me present you: THE HAVAIANAS! Yes, with this footwear (and as long as you don't open your mouth) you are going to fool even the customs police.

And the best thing is that these kind of flip-flops have many different uses ... they are like a Swish army knife, Brazilian style ... more on that topic in the future! :-)

The difference between Brazil and the UK is ... 39!

Quite a lot of people have been asking me what is the difference between Brazil and the UK and I didn't really know what to say ... well, I finally have the answer: the difference is 39!

Unlike Douglas Adams' calculation of the "Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything" (42, btw) I am going to tell you the logic reasoning behind that conclusion! (because I am an engineer and we don't do things at random like writers!)
I haven't been sunbathing or anything but as you can see in the picture by just by walking around the streets I had some of my natural skin colour back. So, if you take this black and white picture, you pick the colour from my neck (Brazil) and subtract the colour from my back (UK) the difference is about 39 (in absolute value and in a 0 to 255 scale, of course! :-P)

Voilà: yet another mystery solved! :-D

Things you don't learn by just going a week on holidays

The traditional "coke" of Brazil is called "guarana" ... same sort of waking you up a bit effects but probably a lot more healthier and with a complete different taste. Most of you have experienced it a bit because "red bull" is based on the same thing but more concentrated.

They have normal coke as well, nobody worries!

Deliveries and things in general

First experience with buying things and having them delivered ... not good, not bad: different!

The first thing to know is that here in Brazil traditionally there is always supposed to be someone at home. Could be because you have some elder/younger member of the family living with you, the empregada, etc. That is good for the delivery companies because they can come round more or less at any time, any day and there is not much problem ... that is unless you are one of the odd people round whose house is empty during the day.
So, don't expect to be able to choose much about the delivery day itself ... even less about the time.

The second thing to know is that a delivery estimate, as the name say, it is an "estimate" in the most strict of senses. Actually you can be pretty sure that nothing is going to arrive that day ... neither the day after ... :-) Get always in touch with the delivery company by phone (a few times) to find out when things are comming for sure.

Actually this pretty much applies to most latin countries ... I should have known better rather than waiting patiently for 13 hours ... :-)

Things you can learn by just going a week on holidays but it takes a couple of months if you are a computer engineer

The other day I discovered that when you are introduced to a girl the correct thing to do are three kisses, two the very least ... and yes, you can start counting when this blog started and you will see it took me about two months to find out: welcome to the exciting life of a computer engineer!

Things you don't learn by just going a week on holidays

At the beginning I thought that I had lost my coordination because of being in the southern hemisphere, but no: the cutlery is slightly smaller in here!
You can see straight away that glasses are a lot smaller, but the most annoying thing are forks being slightly narrower that what I am used to ... and I end up spilling most of the food all over the place every time I eat :-(

The fuse box

Just another post about the electric installations in this flat (... and in general ...). This is the main fuse box: note the amount of insulation tape on it and the amount of live bits of metals you can easily touch with your fingers (not to mention that the protecting door itself is metallic and not earthed at all) ... but it works and there are no reports of thousands of people getting electrocuted every single day.

It may sound strange but it seems that here in Brazil despite not having that many health and safety rules/laws forbidding you touching electric cables ... people don't tend to do it anyway! :-)

The shower

I am sure everyone was wondering if the new flat's shower would be "better" than the one in the hotel ... well ... judge yourself!
The main differences are that this one has some Duck Tape (insulation tape) to connect the electric cables ... so ... it is better "insulated" in that sense! :-)

Note that the bit that hangs down from the shower to the cubicle itself is not an electric cable ... it is a mini directional water sprinkle thingy for feminine hygiene.

New flat

At last I have internet again! So, as promised some pictures on the new flat ... not that you are going to see that much as it is completely empty!
As you can see the decoration is still a bit on the 70s side, but the kitchen is pretty big (for Brazilian standards in that type/size of flats) and is quite spacious ... but not as big as it seems: remember the flat is completely empty!
The location is quite good as well: in front of the Parque da Redenção (Parque Farroupilha), so, close to the centre and I have almost all buses stop in front of my door step ... and I found a place to dance salsa at 2 minutes walking distance :-P

  
  

Finally managed to find a flat!

I am moving from the hotel today ... so I won't have internet for a few days. (internet, phone, tv ... I don't think there is even electricity right now ...)

When I am back on-line I'll post a few pictures and stuff. I Promise!

Mosquitoes!

Zillions of mosquitoes come out every night to suck the blood of anything alive. I think I have lost a couple of gallons already. Dracula: take good note, you amateur!

But if that was just it, I wouldn't mind that much because judging by the vast number of mosquitoes around I haven't really been bitten that much (the picture here is just the tip of the iceberg) ... The annoying bit is that having the entire metre seventy of me fast asleep, lying helpless in bed and not moving ... then why, oh why, do they have to fly past my freaking ear every single time?!?!?!?

I am sure that there is a secret organisation somewhere that trains them specially to annoy and to wake people up at four o'clock in the morning ... so then we are all half slept the entire day and we don't realise of their furtive moves to take over the world ... or maybe it is the coffee producer lobbies that have devised this cunning plan to increase their revenues ... bastards!