Toilets!

Most of the time the main problems of living abroad are not the big things like paperwork, visas, renting a flat, liking the food, … but the small little details of your day to day life.
Little things like for example walking on the wrong side of the pavement (people tend to walk the same way they drive). It seems that Jenny has problems opening doors (I admit I do too!). Or getting terribly confused when you meet new people: is it handshake? one kiss? two kisses? … three kisses? … two kisses, a hug and we exchange presents? … HELP!! These are the little things that make you look like an idiot and completely out of place.

My worst nightmare though are the toilets! And I am not talking that they might be dirty or have weird hoses attached for who knows what purposes! I am talking going to a bar or restaurant and being presented with two doors and being like … "oooooook … which is the right one?"

Thanks God for standardisation nowadays in most places you have some variation of the man-woman outlined figure. Good and simple even if you are in a hurry after a few beers you can easily guess properly in no time.
Sometimes there is a bit of a variation, specially if the bar/restaurant has some weird decoration and they decide to alter the standard sign for a man-woman that go with it. In this sense I have seen more detailed drawing with vintage clothes, astronauts, completely naked and quite explicit, … a picture of a chimpanzee and a chimpanzee with a pink dress, … It can take you a bit of extra time but in a second you are able to choose the right door.

Then you have the places where there is no way to guess. For example, in a bar I used to go they had the image of a little angel and another of a virgin … so, everybody was peeing outside! :-D Jokes aside a lot of people had to ask the waiters which was which and if you are in a hurry that is not good!

But the real problems, for me, are the ones where you just have a single freaking letter! Specially if they went for some designer font: "is this an M or a W?" In that case my advice is to wait until you see someone that looks like a local going to the toilet and following him/her! If you cannot wait here I'll list some of the combinations I have seen in my life in case it can be of any help:

• M (men) / W (women)


• M (male) / F (female)


• B (boys) / G (girls)


• B (blokes) / L (ladies)



• H (hombres) / M (mujeres)


• C (caballeros) / S (señoras)



• H (homes) / D (dones)



• C (cavalheiros) / D (damas)


• H (homens) / M (mulheres)

So, men: if you are in a Spanish or Portuguese speaking county don't go for the "M" door or you'll be in trouble!! :-D