Friday 14 May 2010

Amazing Memory

I have got a friend that is really worried about the effect drinking alcohol has on neurones and memory. For example, the day after a after a light night out he would start asking:

- What did I do between two thirty and two forty five? What did I do?!?
I remember getting in the club and going to the dance floor and then ...
nothing until that joke you told about Gianna Michaels and the dwarf.
WHAT DID I DO?!?!?
- Nooooooothing, you didn't do anything worth mentioning at all, probably
just queueing for fifteen freakin' minutes to get a freakin' drink
because it was freakin' packed.


The point (that he doesn't seem to get) is that you don't have to remember every single second of your day. For example, I don't remember what I had for breakfast ... actually, did I have breakfast at all today? ... I am serious! And I haven't been drinking ... yet. Anyway, people don't have to have an exact recollection of every single action they do during the day; why should it be different by night, independently of how many beers you have drunk? You only remember what it is worth remembering ... I bet that, in my friend's case, if the waitress had had the "attributes" of Gianna Michaels he would definitely remember those fifteen minutes of his life as he has a bit of a fetish for ... hmmm ... anyway ...

Now, having said all that, it is true that during and after a really serious drinking session your memory of the real facts is somehow compromised ... My theory is that copious amounts of alcohol in your blood and brain don't really affect your memory as such but that make you change the scale of what is worth remembering and what not.
For example: Why should I remember the name of what I am drinking if the waiter already knows it and I get another one just by pointing at my empty glass?, Why should I remember the name of the band that is playing if they are awful, their pants are suspiciously tight and they started to play four hours late? Gun's and what? or Why should I remember the name of this girl if I am already way past second base? ... :-P

And, to illustrate my point a real story that happened to me a few weeks ago. One night I went out to a club with a friend and a couple of her work colleagues. One of the work colleagues, a girl, was sooooo drunk that it seemed she could barely stand up ... but, actually, she had quite a lot of practise at drinking like a fish, so that was a normal (even a slow) day for her.

My first conversation with her went, more or less, like this:

[her] - Hi, who are you?
[me] - I am a friend of your work colleague.
[her] - Ah, ok, what is your name?
[me] - Ivan.
[her] - Where are your from?
[me] - I haven't been there recently but I have Spanish passport,
so I guess I am from there.
[her] - And what are you doing here in Brazil?
[me] - I came for work but it all went pear shaped, so now I am
just trying to conquer the World with an army of zombies
and also selling nuclear weapons on the Internet ... the
usual.
[her] - What is this you are drinking? It looks quite nice.
[me] - They call it a "torito", it seems it is like a "mojito" but
rather than rum they have done it with Osborne brandy, which
is a Spanish brand of brandy famous for having a bull ("toro"
in Spanish) as a symbol, hence, I guess, the name of
"torito". And, by the way, you are drinking exactly the same
and I was the one that ordered it for you!

(and so on)

Then she went God knows where and God knows what for and came back after a while. As I was speaking with her work colleague, my friend, she came to me and the second conversation went more or less like this:

[her] - Hi, who are you?
[me] - I am a friend of your work colleague.
[her] - Ah, ok, what is your name?
[me] - Ivan.
[her] - Where are your from?
[me] - I haven't been there recently but I have Spanish passport,
so I guess I am from there.
[her] - And what are you doing here in Brazil?
[me] - I came for work but it all went pear shaped, so now I am
just trying to conquer the World with an army of zombies
and also selling nuclear weapons on the Internet ... the
usual.
[her] - What is this you are drinking? It looks quite nice.
[me] - They call it a "torito", it seems it is like a "mojito" but
rather than rum they have done it with Osborne brandy, which
is a Spanish brand of brandy famous for having a bull ("toro"
in Spanish) as a symbol, hence, I guess, the name of
"torito". And, by the way, you are drinking exactly the same
and I was the one that ordered it for you!

(and so on)

Then she disappeared again for a while and when she came back, she looked at me as if she had never seen me before and, guess what, our third conversation went more or less like this:

[her] - Hi, who are you?
[me] - I am a friend of your work colleague.
[her] - Ah, ok, what is your name?
[me] - Ivan.
[her] - Where are your from?
...

ok, you can imagine the rest ... if not, just go back a few lines!

And that, believe it or not, happened eight times! I had exactly the same conversation with her eight freakin' times. I was counting them because after the third I couldn't believe it myself. Eight! And the fifth and sixth were non-stop. Incredible, after the last question she just went back to square one without even blinking!

And you must be thinking, how does that prove my previous point that alcohol rather than affect the memory as such just affects what is worth remembering? Well, during the sixth conversation at some point they started to play samba music at the club. Some people around started to dance a bit, despite of the lack of space because the place was packed, and she asked me if I knew how to dance. Actually I do, I have done a few years of salsa and here in Brazil I decided that "when in Rome" ... do learn samba.
But one of the things all these years of dancing have taught me is that if you are in a fully packed place, with a girl that can barely stand up and in the middle of the route to the toilets: don't even think of dancing. So, after having previously seen the stubbornness of that girl regarding letting go a drink that was looking pretty disgusting I decided to tell her a bit of a "white lie" and to say that I didn't know how to dance at all. Besides, having in mind that she already asked my name six times I though that she wouldn't have the tiniest recollection about that particular part of the conversation ... wishful thinking!

After having yet again the very same conversation with her a couple more times (but without the dancing question, so I thought I was safe) she disappeared again and, as they were still playing some samba at the club, my friend asked for a dance and we started doing what we could in the tiny amount of space available. Then, all of a sudden I hear:

[her] - YOOOOOOU, LIIIIIIIIIIAR!!


I turn around and I see her, dancing with the other work colleague (that had a terrified look in his face whilst trying to maintain her in the vertical plane), pointing at me and shouting that I lied to her when I said that I didn't know how to dance. Note also that she was shouting "you" not "Ivan". Actually I am quite amazed that she even recognized me! So ... having in mind that she asked for my name eight times and that she only asked once if I danced ... hence prove that you only remember what you find important at the time, regardless of the amount of alcohol in your brain.
In this case for some reason for her knowing if I knew how to dance was a lot more important than remembering my name, where I was from, what I was doing in Brazil or what she was drinking herself. If alcohol affected memories the same way she wouldn't have had any recollection of my dancing skills the same way she had no recollection of any other information about me.

So, apart from confirming that what you remember on a night out (or on a normal day) does not depend in any shape or form on alcohol (or any other funny substances) you take, another important lesson I learned is that girls are like a living lie detector but worst ... and they can scream quite loud.

So, from now on, no more white lies. Girls, note that down: never ever ask me again about those four pounds you took whilst on holidays! ... You have been warned! :-P